Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Wheeeeeeeeee NHL Rumours!


no they aren't.


Oh wait, they are!


No wait, nope.


A team is in dire financial straights!

(perk up)

Lets move them to Kansas City or Las Vegas or Honolulu or Anchorage.


Or wait a minute.. how about winnepeg?



you know what, whatever, man.

Oh hey we might move a team to Winnipeg after all!

(crickets chirping)

no wait never mind


the end.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Stupidest thing I've read from the Winnipeg Free Press

A couple days ago, Nicholas Hirst wrote an article in the Winnipeg Free Press titled "CRTC needs real power". Now, I don't know if the headline was changed by new editor Tim "The Toolman" Taylor, or if the man is simply delusional, but the LAST thing the CRTC needs is "real power". The power to be a bumbling incompetent money sucking government agency that kowtows to the "homegrown" media "industry" for WHATEVER THEY ASK FOR and would ruin the internet if they thought they could get away with it? Oh wait, they already have that.

What the CRTC NEEDS is to be DISMANTLED and COMPLETELY REPLACED with something that works in the interest of the PUBLIC. The FCC at least works for the public. Sure the public are idiots that as a whole are afraid one swear word in prime time will turn their children to drugs and the devil, but its better than what we have. The CRTC allowed the industry to get in the mess it is in. Just like NHL overexpansion, the CRTC allowed a select few owners to own a number of specialty channels, which cable companies shove down the throats of its subscribers (because if you believe Canadians WANT to pay for every channel they're currently getting you're hopelessly naive). Now these channels are profitable and broadcast is not quite AS profitable as it USED to so now they need to be subsidized in order to get into even stupider bidding wars for the rights to rebroadcast American TV shows (Which we all want to watch on Hulu anyways, but because of CANADIAN RIGHTS ISSUES, WE TECHNICALLY CAN'T!) which pisses us off when we read something on the internet about a clip from the daily show and WHOOPS, can't see that in Canada! we gotta subsidize our own corporations to rebroadcast it here because by God they paid for it and have the RIGHTS. When they only have those rights under the assumption that they will use the profit on American redistribution to create Canadian TV Shows, which they don't. In fact, my theory is they've created CRAP for the longest time ON PURPOSE. God knows we have the talent to make properly entertaining shows, and we all know Canadians actually would LIKE to watch good Canadian TV shows if they have the chance (Let me know if the CBC ever produces one)

More power for a bunch of bumbling fools in the pocket of the industry they're supposed to be regulating? I don't fucking think so.

In conclusion, trololocat

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Imperial distance measurement Cyrus

So I saw Miley Cyrus's book on display at the Coles book store at City Place, and I thought to myself, wow the Coles book store is still open at City Place! good for them!

Anyways, The title of her, I assume - autobiography, is Miley Cyrus MILES TO GO. dohohohohoho. Very clever. Good thing she officially changed her name from Destiny Hope Cyrus to Miley Cyrus. Probably just so she could use that title one day. But still, I chuckled.

Do I like Miley Cyrus? Not particularly, her voice grates on me enough to realize that on another girl her accent might have been attractive (probably not). Her music is rather banal and manufactured to me, but all the same its obviously not made for me.. but I don't particularly hate her for anything in particular she can do anything about. I hate her father for inventing/popularizing Achy Breakey Heart and Line Dancing, and for the horrid filmed in Canada TV series "Doc" which was on ALL THE FUCKING TIME in Canada and I HATED IT. Apparently Miley was forced to live in Canada during that period and I suppose we owe her an apology for allowing that horrible horrible TV series to be filmed in Canada in the first place.

In conclusion, here is the greatest music video of all time:

Friday, March 12, 2010

Woe to you oh earth and sea, for shoppers drug mart sends the beast with wrath

If you buy a 2 Litre Nestea, a one Litre Nestea, and a tiny little lindt chocolate bunny rabbit at shoppers drug mart, the total comes to $6.66.

Granted only a select few shoppers drug marts in this city still sell the 1 litre nestea iced teas, but if you want to dress like Satan, and purchase it, it might be good for a laugh.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Stay off rivers, Winnipeg police warn

As reported by the CBC Police are warning citizens to stay off of Winnipeg rivers.

Oh yeah? You think you can tell me what to do?

I suppose the only two possible futures in store for me in this scenario are I'll be saved by the "homeless hero", or I will be shot to death by Winnipeg Police.

Oh right, drowning.

Maybe aquaman will save me.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Westminster Dog Show and the Academy Awards.

What are the similarities to the Westminster Dog Show and the Academy awards you ask?

Both always nominate the wost possible winner. For the Westminster Dog Show, its always some goddamn poodle looking monstrosity, and I hate poodles/scottish terriers/yappy dogs. And with the Academy Awards, its always some stupid war movie or something topical that wins best picture.

This is why I don't believe in democracy.

Holy crap, it was a scottish terrier that won best in show. I just checked the website. I CALLED IT. Fucking Goddamn. That and Hurt Locker. Ridiculous.

clearly the westminster dog show is racist against mops, and the Academy is racist against Canadians and Na'vi.

James Cameron might have looked like an asshole whenever the camera was on him, but he deserved that best picture movie, nevermind best director. Not Hurt Locker. Goddamn Sean Penn and Barbara Streisand, the poodle/scottish terrier combo of the Academy of motion pictures.

And don't get me started on the 30 seconds they gave to science and technology in the Oscars. Luddites.

The main reason I despise the CRTC

My parents aren't complete idiots, but if they want to watch TV, they want to TURN IT ON, and watch TV. They don't want to turn on some sort of DIGITAL BOX, they don't want to learn how to use a fancy Harmony remote control or any other remote control. They want to go up and down, or press a button to go to channel 45 or 44 or if my nephew is over, channel 50.

Why the CRTC doesn't mandate CLEAR QAM for all basic cable channels in digital and HD, I don't understand. IF Shaw provided a box that could be kept in the basement that auto-tuned to the channel my parents wanted, thats great. But they only provide boxes that force you to cycle through every unsubscribed channel. My parents don't want the gameshow network. They want basic cable and thats it. They don't want to be reminded of the millions of channels they dont want to watch. they just want to watch what channels they get. You cant do that with their retarded box, and thats why I don't subscribe to cable TV personally. I mean if you're getting all the channels, then why should you care, but most people don't. Oh but you can program your favourites you say! WELL NO I DONT WANT TO DO THAT. My parents cant. and it reverts back to the complete list unless they know what they're doing. Fuck that shit. MTS is similar I think with their ridiculous boxes.

My sister has her TV in the wall. She does not want a goddamn box ruining her wall mounted TV. What does Shaw or MTS (or whoever) offer her? NOTHING. Just bullshit add on devices to lock down the viewing experience and create clutter.

Fuck TV boxes. The CRTC should mandate their removal and mandate CLEAR QAM and unencrypted digital channels. Useless fuckers.

That said, the reason I had to go to my parents house was because their VCR was reset and was set to TV, not CATV, so that my newphew couldn't watch Treehouse and that was apparently the most bad thing that could ever happen. When I came there he directed me to the TV, repeatedly said my name and supervised me until I made damn sure Treehouse TV was back. Why can't people with toddlers get a minimal package containing solely of Treehouse TV? It's not like they're allowed to watch any other channel when Toddlers are around.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Screenrant.com posits the eternal question "What will the Flash movie be about?"

The Answer to that of course is:


Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Reed Solomon Reviews: Tim Burton's Alice in Underland

So I went to see Alice in Wonderland tonight, in REAL-D 3D(tm) and here is my review.

The movie takes place 13 years later than the original, and posits the premise that Alice is some sort of big hero and everyone who met her originally is aware of some sort of great warrior type deed that she's supposed to accomplish. Basically its the Never Ending Story but with a girl instead.

The story begins with I dunno, lets say 19 year old Alice being made to go to a party. Now, Tim Burton understands this time period and does a good job of making it fun and original and its all great. Anyways the party turns out to be a setup for some high class sap to propose to her. Obviously Alice being somewhat of an individualist, is unable to commit to this and ends up chasing the rabbit down the hole again. Anyways she suffers from amnesia and believes the episode she had before was just a bad dream (That she kept dreaming over and over again for the next 13 years). Which makes her, upon her return to Wonderland, look stupid for not remembering anything. But thats movie amnesia, who gives a crap about that it doesn't really matter.

Anyways everyone tells her she has to kill the Jabberwocky, and she has to do this and that, and she speaks out in maybe the most apropos line of the script that people should stop telling her what the fuck to do and gtfo. Which resonates with the whole engagement party at the beginning with people trying to get her married off. ANYWAYS, she ends up going through wonderland and re-meeting people from the original story.

Now, certain bits seem to go off on a tangent that makes no sense. The Queen of Hearts has a sister who is the White Queen, which makes no sense really, you'd think she'd be the Queen of Spades or the Queen of Diamonds, I dunno, but I guess he went for a chess or checkers thing which totally made no fucking sense BUT WHATEVER nobody tells Tim Burton when things make no sense or not cause I guess THATS NOT THE POINT. Everyone in Wonderland is a friend of each other, the cheshire cat is good pals with the Mad Hatter, etc etc, unless they're enemies. This bothered me, but its probably something particular to me and who knows. If you can forget the original story and just go with it, then you'll probably enjoy the movie that much more.

The 3D, while it brings you into the world of Alice and Wonderland, wasn't really all that impressively used in my opinion. Then again the last 3D movie I saw was Avatar and maybe it'll take a lot more to impress me now. I probably would have enjoyed the movie just as much in 2D. All you get out of 3D is maybe some things come flying out at you.

Now, Johnny Depp's portrayal of the Mad Hatter wasn't BAD per se, but the visual design was just retarded, as everyone on earth has already seen from the previews and stills from the movie. He talks in a scottish accent, which I neither felt added nor subtracted anything. I mean, I guess it makes sense for a Mad Hatter in those days to perhaps be Scottish, sure why not, but it didn't seem to do anything for me.

While the world was magical and the visuals were stunning, things just seemed to fall into place for Alice and she rarely comes across as an individual, except for the opening and closing scenes where she is NOT in wonderland. Maybe it has to do with the acting settings, maybe in front of a green screen the chemistry and acting just wasn't as good. I might have actually liked if more of the movie was set in the Victorian era or whatever.

Now I'm not an expert on Alice and Wonderland by any means, but I do vaguely remember reading the original book, watching the disney cartoon, and reading through the looking glass. I don't really know how much more Alice actually plays in any other storylines, but nevertheless it wasn't a completely unbelievable story. Certain things took me out of it, but I am a very picky person when it comes to worlds making sense. They don't have to make sense by the rules of OUR world by any means, but at least by the conventions of the original story and this movie they should be consistant. The movie fails in that regard.

Alice's dress doesn't shrink with her, but we sadly get no real nudity. And she ends up wearing strangely rejigged undergarment dresses on the spot.

So in conclusion, I was a bit underimpressed, I thought the 3D would be better done, I thought the movie would be more cohesive, the Mad Hatter character by Johnny Depp was really not that interesting (and they even tried to make him Alice's love interest for some strange reason) and the story was more Neverending story or Land of Oz than Alice in Wonderland, however it wasn't a bad movie, it was visually spectacular, the acting wasn't bad by any means, and though it dragged on at points, I guess kids will like it well enough, though there are points that are questionable for younger children if you're a pussy who thinks kids shouldn't be exposed to scary stuff. oooh look at me I'm a pussy who thinks kids shouldn't hear swear words or see dead people even though kids eat that shit up.

Go figure

ChrisD blog is reporting that the Public Safety Building is apparently Unsafe, and had to be evacuated. How ironic.

When do we evacuate winnipeg?

TNG Edits

If you haven't seen these yet, here are my personal top 3 pics for TNG edits on youtube.

enjoy. there are lots of other good ones there too.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Oh hey, did you know that McDonalds is giving away coffee for free from March 1-14?

How nice of them!

As reported at redflagdeals.com you can get free coffee all day long at McDonalds from yesterday onwards to the middle of the month.

Oh wait, Tim Hortons just started roll up the rim to win! Ah, but McDonalds claims that this has NOTHING TO DO WITH roll up the rim. They say its because of the olympics. Uhhh, yeah right.

Look, McDonalds, let me peek at your inter company memos and emails. If you really are only doing this just to celebrate the olympics, then your memos should state that, but you know you're lying*. You are totally obviously fucking lying so stop it. Just stop.

McDonalds sees Tim Hortons as its number one competitor in Canada, and rightfully so. But stop fucking lying about your intentions, McDonalds. You're the Microsoft of fast food.

Liar Liar pants on fire. Cause I just spilled my free McDonalds coffee on it.
* - This blog post is clearly for humour purposes only. Any insinuation of lying or malfeasance are done in jest and mockery only. one full serving of Reed Solomon's blog contains over 9000 calories.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Green Lantern

Okay, in 2011 The Green Lantern movie is out.

This is for all of those writers out there who are idiots who write blurbs stating who Green Lantern is.

The Green Lantern is the title of a character from DC comics. While he is a superhero in that he's super powered, he is first and foremost a human being with what amounts to an alien weapon. He is not the only Green Lantern, there are 3600 sectors of the universe, of which earth is part of Sector 2814, and he is an officer of the Green Lantern corps. There are more than 3600 active Green Lanterns (currently more than 7200 as there are two Green Lanterns per sector at present)

Green Lanterns are given their power by the Guardians of the Universe, who are based on Oa, located in the exact center of the universe. The Guardians created the Green Lantern Corps to bring order to the chaotic universe after one of their own, the obsessed scientist Krona, brought chaos into the universe by using any means necessary to discover the true creator of the universe. The Gaurdians are the oldest beings in the universe, and are essentially immortal.

Green Lanterns are entrusted with a POWER BATTERY, coincidentally shaped like a lantern, and a power ring. The ring is charged by the power battery, which generally holds a power charge for 24 earth hours. The ring is limited only by the imagination and willpower of the bearer, who is able to create physical green hued solid light CONSTRUCTS. Like a boxing glove or really anything. The rings major weakness is fear, which is why Green Lanterns are chosen for their fearlessness, which often borders on recklessness. Fear is represented by the color yellow, and in the comics the character Sinestro eventually forges a yellow ring after he is banished from the Green Lantern corps after it is discovered he used his Green Lantern ring to turn his sector into a fascist dictatorship.

Hal Jordan is the primary Green Lantern of Sector 2814, and will be played by Ryan Reynolds in the upcoming movie. In the comics there are three other major Green Lanterns from Earth. Guy Gardner was originally Hal Jordan's relegated backup should anything happen to him. Both were found equally qualified for the ring at the time of selection. John Stewart was another character also found to have the qualifications to be a Green Lantern, and eventually replaced Hal Jordan when he became disenfranchised with the Green Lantern corps and resigned.

So thats the basics. Here are my top gripes people getting things wrong about Green Lantern.

When people say the ring is "magic". It is not. In fact it is completely non magical, the Guardians of the universe made it one of their original missions to eradicate "magic" from the universe. They encased it inside something called the starheart. Now, there was a Green Lantern who is magic based, and his name is Alan Scott, but he has no connection to the Green Lantern corps aside from being powered by the starheart. Green Lantern rings are scientifically created tools/weapons that are powered by their wielders will. That is all. THE RING IS NOT MAGIC.

"Green Lantern is Black".. saying Green Lantern is black is like saying all New York Police Officers are Asian. Fact of the matter is there are many Green Lanterns, one is a giant planet, one is a smallpox virus. One is made of stone. One has a fish-bird head. One looks like an elf. They are aliens. There are 3600 of them. The first Green Lantern of Earth selected to be in the Green Lantern Corps was Hal Jordan, and he is white. John Stewart is black, and he is a great character. However, Green Lantern is not like Superman. There isn't one Green Lantern. But there's only one Clark Kent/Kal-el Superman.

"They're called Green Lanterns because they have are powered by a green lantern." This one is debatable, but to me, they've been called Green Lanterns because they wield a green light, and a green halo of power surrounds them when they are powered up. The power battery itself is not technically a lantern, even though it is often shaped like one. It is a conduit to the central power battery on Oa, a receptacle for all of the ambient willpower in the universe.

"Green Lantern is a lesser known character" While Green Lantern hasn't been in the movies, nor has the concept yet been given its own cartoon (aside from a direct to video animated feature last year called Green Lantern first flight, which was pretty decent), It has consistently been one of DC's top comicbook characters. It currently outsells both Batman and Superman, and has done so in the past. Sadly, editorial meddling has kept Green Lantern from achieving the same success as Batman and Superman in the past, plus the characters powers didn't lend itself to live action until the last decade. There is no realistic way of doing it without computer aided help. Let us not forget that Iron Man was not a particularly well known character until his movie came out.

So thats Green Lantern. Learn it well. It just might save your life.