Monday, October 25, 2010

More Mynarski Madness - Maybe Motkaluk?

This time I will review Jenny Motkaluk's most recent flyer. First of all, it is pink. Pink like the medicine my 3 year old nephew has to take cause he's sick. Bah, I won't let this stop me. I must carry forward.

First line says "Jenny Motkaluk is the only candidate in Mynarski who believes that we need cops to get out of their cars and walk the beat."

eh, I dunno, Greg Littlejohn at least claims he believes that too. I just read his flier! But maybe he doesn't truly believe it and Jenny knows. Jenny is psychic. She can read his true feelings using the Jenny force. Okay, point in her favour then. That's impressive.

Personally, I think we should replace our cop cars with Autobots. They can drive themselves, and transform in any emergencies. Especially attacks by Megatron.

"Jenny truly understands the necessity and importance of enhancing police foot patrols. Not only will there be an impact on crime, but there will also be greater opportunity for communities to build relationships with the cops walking the beat in the neighbourhoods." says Mike Sutherland, president of the Winnipeg Police Association.

You know what'd really create a rapport with cops? If you didn't have to worry they'd nitpick and arrest you for every little thing. "YOU'RE WEARING BLUE SHOES ON A SUNDAY? $500 FINE AS PER BYLAW 55-6 FROM 1962 YOU BEATNIK!" .. or maybe that's just my runaway imagination. Still, enhancing police foot patrols sounds cool. Maybe they can get some of those mobile harness things like in the movie Avatar.

"Jenny understands the importance of revitalizing the North End business comunity to ensure a bright future for our neighbourhood. Jenny will lead passionately to restore the vibrancy for which the North End was once renowned across Canada." - Trevor Sprague, former Chair of the winnipeg Chamber of Commerce.

Well, Trevor Sprague is her husband, so.. ummm.. I mean, that's like an endorsement from your mom. Oh he's a good boy, he always eats his carrots. (I didn't. I wrapped them in a napkin when she wasn't looking.. shhh, I don't want to lose my most loyal supporter)

"Jenny Motkaluk is the perfect choice to represent Mynarski, send her to City Hall." says Alex Forrest, a Firefighter.

How to read this. Will Jenny increase fires in Mynarski, thus providing more jobs for the Firefighters union? That's probably not necessary in Mynarski though. I suppose if I were a firefighter I'd be happiest if fires were rare so I could play "Wii Firefighter" on the Nintendo Wii at the firehall.. That exists, right? You point the controller like a firehose and put out the fire? If not, I own the rights to that ORIGINAL IDEA DO NOT STEAL... then again, why would they have to play a game version of their job? Would accountants be forced to play wii accounting? Still, there have been some odd games out there in the past. Who knows.

Jenny should have spun this differently. She should have said "Jenny is supported by the Forrest creature" and left it up to our imaginations. Ooooh the Forrest creature. What is that? It's a magical creature that lives in the forest! It grants wishes!. But I guess that'd be misleading and confusing, cause Forrest is spelled differently from Forest.

Jenny is endorsed by: lots of people I won't type cause whatever. Except Harry Lazarenko, that's a good one to have. And Mike Wiens, a Hardworking ordinary guy. If you got Mike Wiens in your corner, you can't lose!

I'm not gonna type out the last page cause its just more "rah rah Jenny's da best".

About Jenny:
Jenny lives 2 blocks away from where she grew up in Winnipeg's North End.

I wonder who lives in her old house, then. Maybe its a crack house. heh. Sorry, that'd be harsh. But it would give her a deep seated motivation to clean up Mynarski. They took her childhood home and turned it into a crack house. But Jenny Motkaluk ran for City Councilor and turned it into the Mynarski center for curious puppies and overly cute babies. This fall on A&E.

Jenny attended McGill university and graduated from UBC.

she's been everywhere, man.

Jenny has 15 years of experience in business with Fortune 500 companies, universities, and research organizations.

Me too. I've used IBM products and Apple products and Sony products and Microsoft products. That's 4 Fortune 500 companies I've had experience in business with. I've also researched how to obtain immortality and/or turn lead into gold using smurfs. That's right, I'm Gargamel. Why would you turn lead into gold when a smurf is a far more valuable thing to have considering he kept catching them when everyone thought they were imaginary, wouldn't he have made more money by just showing it off? But I guess that's alchemists for you. Always after the pursuit of knowledge. It was never about the money. What was my point again?

Oh right, Jenny Motkaluk. You know, I wish she had the phone number 867-5309 as her campaign number. That right there would be enough reason to vote for her.

Her picture shows her owning an english springer spaniel dog. I hate those dogs. I'm generally a dog person, but those dogs.. those dogs, man. I only hate poodles more. Don't get me started on the westminster dog show.

she's at www.jennyforcouncil.com, not to be confused with jenny gerbasi's website www.jennyagainstcouncil.com. (It's a joke, people)

I dunno. I kinda wish there was a Jenny running in every ward and for mayor. That'd be great. All the Jenny's would go to city hall and start wailin at each other. They'd have to nuke the city, probably. Well, as critical of I am of this particular flier, I am leaning towards voting for her. Unless the other two remaining candidates for Mynarski that I haven't gone over have better fliers. I mean, she has Lazarenko's blessing. Why even bother to vote for anyone else? Honestly, based on other things and other fliers, I'll probably vote for her, but this flier was pretty crap.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You're a Funny Guy! How would you like to have your own weekly column with our newspaper. Give me a call, Jack Bender/editor Stoney Mountain Gazette. 204-586-2236.

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