Thursday, January 25, 2007

Top 10 Reasons Gary Bettman should bring back the Jets

Recently theres been a bit of discussion about NHL expansion, presumably by two teams, because most people who follow the NHL are obsessive compulsives and require symmetry. So, Winnipeg has once again been brought up by every Canadian media personality who wants to sell Newspapers, radio air time, TV ad slots, or just wants to point out how American teams suck. Well, great. But that's not going to convince Gary Bettman. Gary Bettman is a numbers man. So here I present the Top Ten reasons Gary Bettman should be in favour of an NHL team returning to Winnipeg. I'll count down from 10 so that the leafs fans reading this can follow along without losing their spot.

10. They'll finally take down that sculpture of you in the Leo Mol Sculpture garden in Winnipeg with the plaque that reads "The Devil".

9. People may still chant "Bettman Sucks" but they'll hold off on the lewd gestures.

8. You can write it off as a charitable donation.

7. Because even American hockey fans put it at the top of their wish lists. Seriously.

(not funny enough? O.K. fine)

Real #7 ... Randy Bachman will let you use "Taking care of business" as your theme music when you move into the motivational speaking career you've had planned all these years.

6. So that the world can stop focussing on the team relocations and start focussing on the crappy new uniforms.

5. When global warming destroys all the teams in the south, you'll still have enough teams to form a league. (Bonus, Winnipeg will then count as a "southern team")

4. If you bring them back and they still fail, you can say "I told you so!" any time anyone questions you.

3. So that when the NHL expands to 450 teams in 2063 and brings back the old division names, the Bettman division won't include Trinidad, Antarctica, Easter Island, and Belize.

2. Save Money. No longer need to hire as many bodyguard's when in Canada (or at the very least they'll lower their rates)

And the number one reason Gary Bettman should bring back the Winnipeg Jets to the NHL:

1. So that everyone would just shut up about it!

And for the record, when the Leafs play the Coyote's in the coming pre-season in Winnipeg, I will not be cheering for the Coyote's (unless they wear Jets uniforms) But I WILL be booing Toronto. I hate Toronto, I hate Old people, and I hate teachers. and the leafs are owned by the Ontario Teachers Pension Fund. Die you old hippies. Don't support the leafs! Supporting the leafs is supporting old hippies.


Unknown said...

I am one of those Americans who wants to see Winnipeg get a team again.

Anonymous said...

Im american and want the Jets back!!! Even have a Keith Tkachuk Jersey! Give winnipeg or quebec the florida panthers..and get rid of 2 teams so theres 28 teams. They wonder why scoring is down, its because goalie pads are outta control (catch a espn classic game from the early 90s?? compare) and the 3rd and 4th lines ARE TERRIBLE!!! Get rid of the two refs and these NBA penalties they've been calling. And get rid of the Gary Bettmansteinbergs' lawyer ass. Why is a Long Island jew running canadas national pastime.