Tuesday, March 01, 2011

New Polar Bear conservatory at the Assiniboine Park Animal Jail.


Sweet, all the fun of going to Churchill without actually having to bother to go there. What I've always wanted. Good job.

I watched the video. Ugh. So banal. Multi-Faceted! Dramatic backdrop for story telling and festive events! World Class! HOLISTIC!!!!! Aboriginal and First Nations peoples! It will be built by Greg Selinger and the NDP with their BEAR HANDS! GET IT! ahahahahahah gawd. We're Energized! Inspired! And Connected! But not Spirited.. someone screwed up there!

Guess which sound bytes are real and which ones I've made up:
  • They will have seals jumping around painfully out of reach of the Polar Bears just to mess with their minds.
  • Polar bears will be fed vegetarian diet as approved by PETA.
  • Tundra Buggies to take little children to go out on the tundra to meet the Polar Bears face to face. Completely safe.
  • The exhibit is rooted in real places. The town of Churchill, Wapusk National Park, The Hudson Bay ice shelf, Aurora Borealis theatre, and most popular of all the Churchill Garbage dump area.
  • On school-group overnight field trips, kids get to complain about having to sleep on the ground at the freakin' zoo.
  • At the "World without Ice" exhibit, Winnipeger's are spoon fed overly alarmist global warming propaganda, and get to stand in a trance and watch the movie "The Day After Tomorrow" on a loop, courtesy of 20th Century Fox.
  • It will be built under budget and on time.
  • Robots! Robots everywhere! Find the robot polar bear! It's also a drink machine!
Debbie is rolling over in her urn.


cherenkov said...

I also wondered about teasing the polar bears by having the seals separated but within view. Not sure I agree with that, but I guess they're the professionals.

reedsolomon.matr1x at gmail.com said...

Yeah, I'd actually pay extra to see me some polar bears killing the seals.