Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Won't somebody PLEASE Stop Will Smith?

Fresh off from whoring out his son in the Pursuit of Happyness, Will Smith is back with "I am Legend", ostensibly an Omega Man ripoff starring, who else, Will Smith, directed and produced by, who else, Will Smith, and also, briefly, his daughter, Willow Smith. Maybe the Fresh Prince is worried the residual cheques for Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire will run out before he gets old, and thinks "Hey! I need to start whoring out my kids now!"... Anyways, I haven't liked any of his movies since.. well.. I haven't liked ANY of his movies, It all started with Independence Day, which I hated, and it is now fashionable by EVERYONE to hate, but I refused to pay to see it in theatres and refused to pay to rent it and only finally watched it when it was on prime time TV and I had lost remote control privileges for reasons I won't go into. It was punishment beyond all comprehension. Like being thrown into a bottomless pit, dying of hunger after eating all your limbs off as stumps, then realizing that as a ghost you're still going to die in the bottomliss pit, but you're a stump ghost with no arms or legs because you ate them, and also you're hungry because ghosts presumably maintain how they felt when they died (so either die having sex, or try not to die in a painful way)..

The point of this ramble fest is as much as I hate Will Smith's movies (I enjoyed the fresh prince for what it was, and he was a good rapper) I hate him whoring out his children on us even more. His daughter not only has his name in a feminine form.. "Will-ow... short for will-ow my eyes what the heck is that creature take it away! TAKE IT AWAY!" (Picture to the right) but she has his face. Which would be fine if she was a boy, but she's a 7 year old girl. So now you're saying, Reed, why the heck are you picking on a 7 year old girl? The answer? Because Will Smith is whoring her out to the world and I do not want! It's bad enough his last movie was about a fucking rubics cube or something, but now he wants to out-act Charlton Heston? Impossible! He ruined I Robot by whoring himself out rather than the story (And I wanted to like it because it was directed by Alex Proyas, who did Dark City among other things, and I enjoyAsimov's stories), he ruined Men in Black.. well ok, Men in Black wasn't that bad,but mostly because Will Smith wasn't the main star of that film and he's alright in comedies.

I feel sorry for her because Will Smith is saying she wants to be like the next Paris Hilton. Even Paris Hilton is somewhat pretty compared to that smile. I really hope she outgrows this ugly duckling phase, but Willow Smith totally got hit with the ugly stick, and its all right for me to say all of this because Will Smith whored her out. So There. I'll leave you with the following quote from Will Smith:

"You kind of don't work with Willow, you work for Willow."

But I'm not a plastic surgeon!

Ba-dum-ching!

(In all fairness, I did search for the ugliest picture I could find of her, but damnit, I'm so fucking sick of Will Smith whoring out his kids)

I'll link to the fucking toronto star article that I got the quote from.. it's only fair.

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Crappy google quote of the day